What's in my bag?

Planner: prefer this over BB's planner. I bought it from HARRIS when they were having their 25% renovating sales at Somerset 313. other than noting what I have on for the next days, it comes in handy when I need to check what I did days back, drew shapes like triangle/ rectangle to note my bowel movements (major important thing for me) and when I hail a cab home respectively.

BB Bold 2: phone calls. social media. text message.

Ted Baker tri-fold wallet: Boy bought this for me last Christmas for gift exchange x

Dettol Sanitizer: one day a man sneezed into his palm, w/ all the phlegm and saliva, he held the MRT railing again. after he alighted, another man held the railing at the exact same spot; I take 168 to school every morning.

Crabtree & Evelyn hand creme: I don't enjoy the dry feeling on my hand or anywhere, it makes me feel like my aging speed accelerated at that very moment

Mademoiselle eau de parfum: love it's oriental scents that's different from others. have been using it's sample size (0.5 FL OZ)  since last January coz I received so much I don't need to get one from stores.

Rouge + lipgloss: to me, they are like timepieces. it doesn't matter if you're wearing one, but it makes a big difference when you are.

Pressed powder: fine smooth powder that makes me feel beautiful after using.

Zen x-fi2: the worst player you could find to shuffle your songs but my only music companion.

**[E N D]**

P/s: Pardon the connector dots. I tried to draw an arrow but it looked untidy so I left them as that.

April 1st

Ok, this post is supposed to be about me reflecting what I did last month but XinXian just left Singapore for Milan while I am here in SG. Being left alone (technically not) isn't a good feeling but I repeated to him umpteen times to get me things so all the misses are worth it.

Promised I'll be taking.. Oh my gawd.. my camera is dead. FML x2 Hope it's just the battery. I've been pretty suay lately. I misplaced my wristlet  which held part of my allowance and my camera's not responding. Tsk.

Guess I'll just use BFF's camera for the next 2 weeks <3

Continuing, imma blog and vlog with photos/ video taken. Over the weekends I removed my lashes with Biotherm toner and damn!

It burns but I didn't have time to go to Dolish for proper removal. Oh wells. Part of my lashes are bald.

Photos taken with lashes. 

On my way to work with XinXian

I thought it'd be good for him to have an English name so I don't have to call him XX, can't think of anything for him though.

Daddykins's April Fool joke.

He loves putting random things into our bag from fruits to cushion and when we reached school we're like -_____-"

The boy who is vacationing in Milan.

The road to work for the past 6 weeks.

Soaked off my gel nails

It's amazing how gel nails can last so long and tinner can't even remove it. Definitely a good thing when you're working industry line like I've been for the past weeks!

Lashes.

Lashes

Pointy strands

Lashes make huge difference to appearance. Any photo I took was "Wah! Chio!" Without is -___-"

In March:

1. Went to USS and RWS
   
2. Took 2 roller coaster rides - Galatica
   
3. 19th birthday
   
4. Shopped at VS
   
5. Threw lots of bitch fit

This April (I wanna):

1. Not seeing Xin Xian for 2 weeks (vacation @ Milan)
   
2. Have a productive 2 weeks
   
3. Wake up at 5am to pick XinXian and Aden up from T3
   
4. End of 6 weeks IEP
   
5. Complete report
   
6. Work at Frolick
   
7. Back to school
   
8. Go to school everyday
   
9. Don't skip yoga

How I met my boyfriend

Several times I've said,
"I'm really grateful to have my boyfriend."

I never knew I'd meet someone who'll influence, shower love and have patience
on me as much or even more than my dad. At least for now.

Months back, a couple of people ask me how I met him.
I said I'd blog about it on Valentine's Day but I didn't

Pardon me for not keeping my words, I was too lazy to do it.

So here goes...

We met while I was working at F1
Having ice-cream in a giant fridge

Edelyn, my sister, asked me if I wanna take up a fun and good paying job; working at at F1.
I agreed coz she was working but later she disappeared into China.

XX called me nearly everyday and sometimes a few times a day,
asking me to get a replacement. Swear his call was the last thing I wanna see.

He'd go:
XX: Erm. Hi. This is Xin Xian
Me: *WTF mentally* *roll eyes* *smile* Hello? Ya, why?
XX: Are you able to find a replacement for the F1 job? Coz you'll be working alone if you don't.
Me: It's alright. I can work alone. *Better not ask someone along so I can play the MIA card*
Me: Can I not work?
XX: Sorry, you can't coz we're short of people *polite*Me: *omg, he'll be in shit if I go MIA* Ok Ok. But look for a replacement too. Just in case I can't get one.
XX: Yaya, will do. Thank you
ME: kkthxbye *hang up*

Imagine doing this (a few times) everyday for a week!!

Working wasn't the best thing. Whatever fun was nonsense. I had to wake up early. Skip yoga (waste $$) and
no leisure for that 3 - 4 days.

I chipped my nail color.
I broke my liquid foundation.
Work ended one day later than another.
Everyday was frigging hot like massive oven.

On the last day of work I wanted to hitch a ride home but XX was like, "No! Wait for me!" I tried rejecting a few times but ended up waiting 3 hours for him; till 3am (up till now he still feel puzzled for why did he stop me and feel happy for saying that).

Somehow, somewhere he asked me out for lunch the next night. Instead of texting him I posted my sushi cravings on FB and there! He texted me and we were out.

1st photo. Wait for our koi coz I told him everybody is raving it

We met every single day then on.
1st it was Sakae,
2nd IKEA,
3rd he went to Khatib to fetch me and the others home after Andy's party. Felt bad to make him drove all the way there but he insist and I.. Well.. Sort of wanted to see him.

Camwhoring at Frolick, The Cathay

Remember I used to work at Frolick? Stopped because I had school.
He volunteered to pick me up everyday and once in a while, bring me out for supper when I have
cravings. I rejected his offer a few times but he was so kind and WHO DOESN"T WANT A FREE RIDE?!

HAHAHA!

We meet everyday and whenever possible. It's been 6 months? Since we're together and I still enjoy seeing him (till now) all the time though I throw bitch fit once in awhile, like I did today. There isn't a date we got together coz I'm not a romantic person and we can celebrate the entire month. Most importantly I get to demand for anything for a month.

Smart move uhh?

A bouquet of ribbon tied roses

He or at least we, used to buy roses a lot but after that bouquet, I've only receive one.
I'd like to see that as... I don't know? BUT I STILL LOVE ROSES!!!!

I know I didn't before. I changed my mind.

Webcaming at his kitchen

Talk about destiny/ faith/ coincidence. Our mums knew each other long ago. Even before I was born!

XX's family moved to Simei during 1992 when my mum was pregnant with me and helping my dad out at the market (I call that abuse lor! Pregnant lady helping out in the market. Have he got no heart?! LOL!) and XX's mum was a customer.

Previously during CNY we were worried about our folks meeting each other and XX's mum asked him, "What's wrong with me asking my friends over?! I can't ask my friends home meh?!"

On the 1st year I went to help my dad out at his stall, I met his mum and my mum was like:

Mum: Neh, dear. This is our regular customer. She's very nice.
Me: Orh *nonchalance*
XX's mum: Hello. *megawatt smile* Your daughter ahh?
Mum: Yupp, I have another elder one and a younger son
XX's mum: Ohh. I have 3 sons.
*insert conversation of mothers chatting about kids' age*
Me: *WtF? not like I'm going to marry your son*

After recalling this scene in my head, I am now very careful about the thoughts I generate and things I said.

You'll never know.

Just thought I look good in bangs here

And I like him in the purple polaroid

Surprise kiss

Thank you for all the wishes

P/s: I need to think of what I want in life and work on it before I turn a year older #turning19

myself

I once said I miss myself but point is I don't know who I was. Neither do I know who am I right now. Saying I'm in an identity crisis is not wrong cause secretly I find myself copying other people. FML TTM. But it's true.

Mum told me I've changed; I'm skeptical about what she says, what I asked how was I like she told me I was more obedient. Straight away I assume she's referring to me going out late.

For years I've been trying to change. To be better. To be well-liked. To be love. I tell myself I have to change yet not sure what I've changed into. Only know I feel less happy than before. When I try to change back, I don't know how to.

The only person I know I can get honest reply from is Huili.

Me: My mum told me she missed the old me. How was I like?
Huili: I just woke up.i need time to think about it.
Me: Okay.

Just when I thought she forgot.

Huili: Okay.i'm going to say the truth.might be a little hurtful but no matter what,rmb,i still love you.(: you've changed and everyone does.you seem different,you've become westernised.you lost yourself.this is what i feel.like you're trying to be someone(idk who)you not very chingmei anymore.you used to be so fierce,so funny,but now you're just loud.you used to be so sincere in almost everything,but now idk,you not sincere to yourself.from my point of view now is,you don't really like your bf(idk whether is it updated)but you're still staying with him.so yeap.this should be all.i don't really care if you're offended,cause chingmei wouldn't be.hahahas.love you still.(:

Tell me who the fuck dare/ bother to tell me this.

I am really sick of people around me. Either they don't dare or they don't bother. And when they bother? I get nonsense. I feel no sincerity and they are hypothetic. The reason why they will tell me things is to prove they dare. Same case as you dare a teenage boy telling him, "you don't fucking dare to do it." Then they do it. What's the whole point?

Sugar coating. Proving. Pretense. Insincere.

Can't deny I did those too. I miss my girlfriends. I miss shopping with them. I miss having them reminding who I am, what am I and being myself. I can confirm with you, ask anybody who knows me by Claire, "what kind of person is she?" They can answer you. With all the wrong answer.

I care too much about how people see me, what they think about me, adapting to people, how not to have them dislike me, how to be one of/ like them, how to make myself look good so nobody knows I feel insecure/ upset.

When something goes wrong I look for excuses to cover my ass. Nobody knows but my boyfriend does. And when he points it out, I get pissed and secretly plan a revenge which disappear as soon as it's planned cause I love him.

I turned into a drama queen. I could call and cry over the phone, wallowing in self-pity, apologize about the wrong I did then continue to laugh after I hang up.

The more I talk about myself, the lesser one will know, the further they are from me cause I lie, I dig out shit from my brain to tell them to make them feel for me.

I enjoyed mind fucking people. I enjoyed acting stupid till I realized recently, I've gotten so used to this whole pretending to be a better person or someone else shit, I forgot how to use my brain. I forgot myself. Now I'm fucked. I fucked my own brain.

You call this karma don't you? Yes I know that.

And I stopped using vulgarities because I wanna look nice. I wanna make my folks happy. I don't wanna be judged. Obviously, I don't care right now. I know I am not going to use it t at the wrong time.

Once I do something wrong, I can't let myself go. I keep blaming myself, telling myself, "I knew it. Why did I still do it? *gives a feel good excuse to cover ass* Damn that's an excuses I know it." They accumulate along the way. Gets heavier as time past. When I meet a problem, they surface. I cry.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate myself. I'm merely lost.

Floating in the air.

2010 at a glance I

Every December I look back at the months and thought, “Wow, this year passed fast!” while at the start I'm like, “Damn. This year sure is slow.”.
.
Without fail I'll always come out with New Year Resolutions, here and here, that I forget before the New Year is half gone. Only makes sense not doing it again and just do what I want however I did achieve 3. Miraculously.

January

Having seen lots of Japanese girls in magazine like Vivi with chio curls I was determined to have to have it too.

Dropped by my ever so friendly and talkative stylist, Louis, salon to have my shoulder length hair permed which then became the reason why in-between every post is a week interval.
.
All the photos didn’t turn out as I assumed it will. Even photoshop couldn’t save them :(

February

The month every kids, adolescents, shameless unwed adults love and the married queue for hot new still filthy cash. CHINESE NEW YEAR!

This year’s fell on St Valentine’s Day. Still I didn’t do anything special other than trying to get over a breakup-esque feeling I had with LG eve after returning it.

Anyhow, to welcome the year of tiger, I had tiger stripes nails done at Dolish. Most beautiful nails I’ve ever done. Those long nails are mine!

March

I TURNED 18!!
Prolly my favorite month of the year other than December.

*smack a random photo below*

Took eon to look for a decent photo. No thanks to my poor hair maintenance.

April

Say Hi! to being a BlackBerry/ cellphone addict cause nobody ever seen me without my BB on hand and every other day my eyes feel strain from all the near work.



Most worthy thing I’ve paid for after that wallet <3

May

As I’ve always think, I suck at group thing, but going out with a group of bloggers was an EXCEPTION! Nobody goes WTF -____-“ when you start snapping everything around you. It’s like a natural process, you don’t need to explain yourself.

1^st group shot.

June

BLANK.

All I did was bake and bake and completing Java assignment. How am I going to blog when I’m doing my 2 months intern next year?!

July

Virgin hairdye using Liese bubble. Lied to everyone in my family I found the dye behind a public toilet so nobody nags at me for  doing it.

Up till now the color stay the same. No fading. No unevenness.

August

With thank to LG for invitation I got to meet Lee Min Ho live even though I wasn’t interested in him. Also I started working for Frolick.

I declare this my most beautiful photo taken this year :D

Pay suck but I love my job.

September

Cut bangs countless time from 14, I cut it again. Fortunately this time I don’t look ugly and it covers my high forehead perfectly!

Other than that, I went to work for Asia Pacific Breweries, actually Tiger beer but to make it sounds atas, as beer tapper during F1.

I met a lot of people and became capable enough to tell customers who walked in prefer Tiger/ Heineken based on how they look like.  I hate to mention this cause it makes me sound like a girl stuck in love bubble. *holds breath and speaks quickly* Where I met my boyfriend.

October

I passed my BTT on the 1^st day of this month.

Many says I’m like a domestic goddess but I always think it’s sugar-coated given that I didn’t do anything productive other than baking egg tarts for my family from a recipe I got from HuiLi’s mother.

If you love egg tarts, you should really give it a shot. Baking is not as difficult as it seems! Just weight and mix before you bake.

November

I can’t conclude if this is the greatest buy or BlackBerry on the other hand I am firm it’s the heaviest object I’ve ever purchased. When putting it on the table I’m so worried it’ll crash my fingers.

RED MIXER!

December

To be updated..

Soft hearted

It never appeared to anybody I'm soft-hearted. Everybody around me with one don't end up well - often cheated or taken advantage of.  Am one of them, I just can't help doing it since they're always so willing to and.. they don't mind do they? 1 less thing for me to do.

Being so is a weakness. I do my best to hide it. Force myself to do things which benefits me however I can't bear to. We all have to admit it. Life is at times cruel and selfish if you concentrate on others' happiness, you forget your's. Take a turn. You're now being taken advantage of. You sure you're this selfless? Why not ask if you're happy with it.

Soft hearted is not a label that'll put you in Forbes list but a thing making you an easy target to trample on. Don't say you're going with the flow. LEARN! DO IT! Speak for yourself, nobody will do it for you, only you can. Till then you're prolly nothing.

Lie

A fatal weapon that can single handedly damage the trust you took a lifetime to build.

Just when you think lying is easy and helps you get your way through, think again. What if you're asked again on the same situation? You lie again. What if you're asked who/ what/ when/ why/ how? YOU LIE AGAIN.

Sometimes when you're lucky, things just ended there. You move on. But it's not all the time!

To prevent yourself from getting exposed you have to plan a series of lie that tallies and sound convincing. Before you know it, you're sucked into a never ending cycle and your life is screwed.

In actual fact, you screwed your life. After a lie, you'll find it harder to trust cause you'll think others will lie to you just like how you did. Slowly, you feel insecure then your balance in life is lost.

Well, there is white lie which is not seen as a lie to most peeps out there yet it's still a lie. People are still being cheated and getting their trust they had on you wasted.

On most times lying is an easy way out. You skip probable nagging/ accusation and trouble. Nonetheless you can't deny sometimes after you do it you won't wish you had told the truth cause I do!

I start to question myself, "why can't I be honest? If I know it's right why didn't I admit it and say it? Lying only shows others I'm guilty."

Lie: mentally strenuous activity mostly done by coward who wants an easy way out of problem but ended up getting screwed.

You see, it takes one lie to cover another and it goes on. If you think being honest is difficult, lying is worst.

Deficiency

Often. I think there's something missing from my life. I've wanted so much yet gotten so little, I, sometime feel depress like now.

Perhaps I don't know how to work for what I want. In fact, I really don't know how to. All my life I have been waiting for things to fall on my lap. If they don't I'll just go for something else or wait.

You see. I'm too stuck in my comfort zone and I refuse to believe it's how a Piscean would behave. I don't want to let something without solid prove on it's existence to define who I am and who I will be. I wanna be myself.

It is so hard to do it when I'm always being compared to another by my family. They tell me I'm lousy and incompetent like so and so. I pull a strong front. However before I sleep, at night, I will ask myself if I'm really like that.

Well, I guess I'm not. I'm me. Aren't I?

When I'm ignored I secretly panic and go, "does she hates me? Have I done something wrong to make them feel that way?" I feel so upset I could cry.

Having realist I can't rely on others for my emotional balance I turned to not creating new success to perk or motivate myself. I turned to shopping.

Hell of a wrong choice. Shopping didn't fill the void for long. It made a hole in my pocket and left me nothing. What did I buy? I don't know.

Up till now I am still trying to save up but my money don't build up.

I thought working part-time at Frolick would help. It didn't. I spent everything I earned away coz my determination could only last 5 seconds.

I have myself to blame.

P/s: I feel my stress abated after typing this post. It's like self-reflection.